You can't special order awesome
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
