So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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