I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
