Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
