As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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