i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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