Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
