His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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