Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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