Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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