i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
