Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
