you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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