Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
