Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
