If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
