My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
