Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
