i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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