You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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