You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
