I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
