I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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