Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
