Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
