just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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