I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
