What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
