It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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