Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
