living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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