Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
