listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
