I can text with my tongue
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
