8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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