I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
