I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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