So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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