god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
