Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
