I just saw a hot homeless man
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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