HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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