Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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