I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Panties = found
Randomize
