my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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