So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
