The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
