My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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