"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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