I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
