i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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