The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's rum buckets o'clock
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
