her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
