you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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