the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
