Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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