He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
