Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
