I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
